Friday, 20 August 2010
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http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"> name="ProgId" content="Word.Document"> name="Generator" content="Microsoft Word 12"> name="Originator" content="Microsoft Word 12">This has been the longest summer ever. And I’m not just talking about how it was four months instead of two; I’m talking about how once again I’m in over my head with so many things. First thing being I got into a car accident a few weeks ago, and although no one was hurt (it was a miracle, believe me) I’m now paying for car parts along with a new cell phone, cause that shit the bed too.
I’ve been gaining weight like crazy. Probably because I’m eating like crazy ): the thing is, I feel like it’s not even in my control anymore. I wake up, say that I’ll do well, and end up pigging out on junk food. It’s become a habit in the past three years or so to read a book at every meal. Now it’s become whenever I read a book, I eat…which is truly awful, because I am a complete bookworm. And when I’m bored, food is the first thing I go for. So I know what’s causing this weight gain, and it sounds SOOOOO easy to fix…but for some reason, I honestly can’t help myself. I know I sound so stupid saying that, but it’s true.
On a good note? Things are looking up in the boy area :D I found a keeper. He’s completely amazing, and we’re thisssss close to making this a relationship. The problem is he’s going to school an hour away from me, which sucks. I’m only going to get to see him maybe once a month, twice if I’m lucky. But in a way, this is really good, because not only will I not have to worry about looking good every day for guys at school, but I can really buckle down on school work. I neeeeeeeeeeeed to do well this semester. I know I will; I’m just nervous.
I want to try to write on xanga regularly. I just feel so discouraged and embarrassed to see everyone else losing weight and achieving their goals while I sit here and do the opposite. So when it’s like that, I’d rather not even write anything at all.
I guess what I’m saying is I need to find a way to get myself out of this rut and get onto a new eating lifestyle. I just wish I knew how.
So, I usually don’t post my intake, but I will today.
Breakfast- Coffee. Bagel with light cream cheese.
Lunch- 2 Kids Brownie mini clif bars, asian noodles
Dinner- celeste pizza, ice cream sandwhich, mini bag of chips, garlic bread…
Yeah.
Sunday, 27 June 2010
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If you can wait til I get home, I swear we can make this last
http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"> name="ProgId" content="Word.Document"> name="Generator" content="Microsoft Word 12"> name="Originator" content="Microsoft Word 12">A lot has happened lately; I don’t really know where to start. For one thing, Corey and I are long over. And although we went back to being best friends, I’m upset with him now and we’ve been fighting for over a week. Long story short is he doesn’t make me anything but a backup. And I’m not going to put up with that when I’ve been there for him and cared about him for so long.
Another thing is Ian. Ever since I found out about his girlfriend, I’ve been doing a lot of snooping to make sure I’m not just jumping to conclusions or being rash. And I’m not. I called him out on it, and of course he lied. So Amy and I called his girlfriend and told her. Someone called me a bitch, but I don’t think that’s being bitchy at all. I think that’s the best thing to do, actually. If I had a cheating boyfriend, I’d want someone to tell me.
It’s safe to say I don’t put up with a lot of bullshit anymore. I used to, and look where it got me. Absolutely nowhere. So now, I say what I want, do what I want, and try not to worry about what the rest of the world thinks. It’s obviously easier said than done, but three months ago I would never even thought about confronting Ian, let alone call his girlfriend. And three months ago, I would have forgiven Corey for standing me up for the 80,000th time. But I’m sick of being people’s doormats.
On a lighter note, I got my bellybutton pierced about a month ago. I love it. It makes me feel sexy and cute even if no one can see it. My parents just about freaked out over it, but whatever, I didn’t do it for them, I did it for me. And besides, I’m eighteen years old. But the way they acted, the world was about to end. They got over it, but it sure took them long enough.
So, summer is here in the full. I wish I could say that it’s been awesome and exciting, but it really hasn’t been. I’ve gone out and partied here and there, but mostly I just go to work, hang out with Kait, and laze around. Boys have been a big part of the summer so far, but they’re whatever. I’m actually supposed to be hanging out with Eugene tonight after work, but I’m toying with the idea of giving him back some of his bullshit and cancelling at the last minute. I like this new, bolder side of me, the side that doesn’t need anyone. I like feeling strong and independent, maybe even a bit reckless. And the way I see it, it’s not being mean or cold. I’m just starting to treat people the way they treat me. And if they don’t like it, maybe they should change their own attitudes first.
I know last month I was a couple pounds heavier. Eating whatever I want will tend to do that. I was right back to where I was when the dreadful EX dumped me. It sounds crazy and stupid, but I feel like being at that weight number is just not a good idea. I feel like if I’m at that weight I’m unappealing and huge. I liked the way I looked two months after he dumped me, when I was so depressed I dropped ten pounds without even trying. I’m working towards that, and then another five pounds. I think that’ll be a perfect weight for me, and it’s certainly doable.
I’m going to try to keep updating this again, cause it’s really sucky having to recap things from weeks ago. Work is soon, so I’ve got to get readyyy. Peace out!
Tuesday, 13 April 2010
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Things I can change.
Time for a major update. First things first.. Corey and I decided to be official <3 yay! I’m so happy. It’s been such a long time coming, and it just feels so right. He’s going on a cruise this Friday for a week and one day :/ Funny thing is, about two months ago he asked me to go with him. Oh college, why do you have to make vacations in March instead of April?! But anyway.
I don’t know how I feel about my body as of now. I feel like I’ve gained weight, but I don’t want to look at the scale to verify it, lol. As bad as that is. I just got off my period, so hopefully I’ll start looking and feeling better. I haven’t gone to the gym at all lately, which makes me mad at myself for paying sixty dollars a month for something I never use. I want to go today, but we’ll see how it goes. After class I have to bring my car to the mechanic for a few hours, so I was planning on riding my bike to see Amy and go for a run along the beach. We went for a run yesterday, and it felt SO amazing! I was out of practice from not running in about six months, but I still outran her. I know it’s AWFUL, but I kind of felt better after that. Like as in, well it could be worse. Which obviously makes me a terrible person and friend.
That brings me to another point. I don’t particularly like the person I’m being lately. Lazy, thinking sarcastic and bitchy thoughts about people, just an all around asshole. I don’t know why I’ve been like this lately but I really want to stop :/
I know this is going to sound STUPID, but on form spring (the place where people with no balls can say anything they want) I got a nasty comment yesterday: “you’re in a relationship? Bullshit. No one would want to stay permanent with your skanky ass.” And I got all bent out of shape about it, because I’m pretttty much the opposite of a skank or a whore or anything like that. Out of all my friends, I’m the most conservative. So even though it was clearly by someone who knows nothing about me, it still was kind of shocking, because overall I feel like I’m pretty well liked. Which is where my whole selfish, asshole line of thinking got started. I don’t know why people write nasty things like that. What do they think it’s going to prove? I don’t know, it just got me thinking, and I realized I’m not being the person I thought I was going to be. When I was little I had all these dreams of who I was going to be when I grew up. I was going to be nice, understanding, a good friend, well liked, pretty, skinny, have a good looking boyfriend, get all A’s, and have a perfect life. I know it’s silly to try to base real life off of that, but I still feel let down for some reason. I think I’m just going to have to stop whenever I think something mean about someone, cause I really don’t like this feeling. Call me over-sensitive, but I don't care.
There’s only a month left until summer, and I really want to do well in school. I haven’t been putting much effort in, and that’s got to change. I mean really. My parents work too hard for me to slack off. And I’m only hurting myself by doing it, but when it’s nice out who can study?! There are always bike rides to go on or beaches to go to!
Am I the only one whose like this? Blah. I don’t know, but all I do know is that if I don’t like the things that have been going on around me, I’m the only one that can change them.
Friday, 26 March 2010
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Wow, I haven't updated in forever. Just been so busy! I'm closing in the wine dept. tonight at work, which will be a first. I'm actually kind of nervous, because I could lose my job if I don't card someone or check if the ID is fake. So there's a lot of pressure, but I've wanted to try it out for a while.
Yesterday was my best friend Kait's birthday <3. I went over and saw her for a little bit, & she cut her hair. It looks so cute, I loveee it on her. Her party is on Sunday. I'm pretty stoked. It's weird; we see each other almost everyday but we never get sick of each other. Well, at least I don't get sick of her.
Amy and I made up....Kait was pretty pissed. I don't blame her actually. But I didn't mean for Amy & I to become friends again; I thought I'd learned my lesson the hard way when she let me down. I don't know. I still don't trust her, and won't for a long time, but I forgave her and let bygones be bygones. And now since I made up with her, Kait did too. I don't know why, but I'm a little pissed at that. Just because I don't hate someone doesn't mean you have to be best friends with them just to "show me" which is what I think she did. Cause she absolutely HATED Amy, and got mad at me for talking to her again. Amy & I weren't even friends, just like didn't hate each other. But I feel like Kait just didn't want to be left out, which is why it pissed me off. But whatever.
Ian and I are still "bestfriends" as he calls it. We're definetly not though. His definition of best friends is obviously skewed. He's been acting completely weird lately, and I have no idea why. It's like he wanted to break up with me friendship wise, lol. I don't know how else to explain it. I guess it doesn't matter anyways. On the bright side of things, I told Corey I like him, and we're going to hang out on Saturday if he doesn't cancel like always. I hope he doesn't. I think we might actually give "us" a real try for once...Hey, I need a good guy, and Corey and I have been best friends for so long that it might just actually work out.I think we'd look really cute together :D
That's an old picture, but we still both kinda look like that.
Buttt, I also talked to Eugene yesterday! He was his typical flirty self, which is why I'm not taking it seriously whatsoever. I'm not about to lose something good (Corey) over a stupid guy who doesn't know what he wants. (Eugene, Ian, Euric.) Haha! I sure do have a lot of guy updates lately :P
Yesterday Rob, Amy and I all ended up hanging out somehow. It was a fun day surprisingly. Doesn't it look like Rob and I are a couple in some of the pictures? It just came out like that, although everyone is now asking if we're dating. NO. We aren't.
And here are some pictures of Amy & I. All I can see are those extra pounds back on, especially in my face D:
Well I guess that's it for now. I'm going to try to keep eating healthy & work out more than I have been; sad to say I've been failing at that lately. Hope you all are doing well ! <3
Monday, 08 March 2010
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Stupid boys.
WOW! This is what I get for letting my guard down. Awesome. It turns out, thanks to a little facebook snooping, that Ian has had a girlfriend for the last six months…and I’m the girl he’s cheating on her with. I honestly didn’t know what to do when he texted me this morning, so I gave him short replies. We played the truth game, and all my questions revolved around cheating. After a while he said, “Were any of your questions related to my facebook or do you just not trust me?” And I was like, “Well i was curious about the girl who called you baby, and I’m starting to fall for you but that’s bad since idk if your interested or not.” (Just seeing how he’d react, secretly super angry.)
And he said “it’s not that, its just I’m not sure where this is going..but I am interested.”
Me- So what’s the problem? (in my head: well, the girlfriend might be a problem, asshole.)
Ian- Idk.
Me- Hmm ok.
Ian- ok
*an hour goes by*
Me- To be honest I'm done talking to you, I am interested in starting a relationship with someone not just playing games..if you're interested like you say you are come talk to me when you don't have a gf.
Ian- Where did that come from?
Ian- I’m not playing games with you. I want to talk about this.
So that’s where that got me. And I’m still wracked with indecision. What if he’s telling the truth and somehow I got it all mixed up? This sucks :/
I’m gonna try to hit the gym but I’m super tired, and this stress isn’t helping.
decemberruby
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- Name: Jess
- Gender: Female
- Member Since: 11/1/2009
